Being Still
It’s been over 3 weeks since I stopped travelling up to London and started working from home.
It’s been over 2 weeks since pubs, cafes and restaurants were closed and England officially went into lockdown.
It’s been over 1 week since I was placed into furlough employment and stopped working altogether.
It’s been a weird old time and Coronavirus has flipped all our lives upside-down in a very short space of time. Those measurements of weeks don’t feel like weeks anymore. It’s feels like a life-time ago that I was sat on the tube on my way to work, counting all the passengers wearing face masks to compare the numbers with the day before. I’ll admit it, back then I was amused to see how over-the-top people were being with face masks and gloves and opening train doors with their elbows. All the precautions seemed completely, well, over-precautious.
Oh how wrong I was.
So, how is life in this new world of social-distancing and self-isolation?
For the most part, I’m surprisingly ok. I’m grateful that both myself and my family all have their health, and that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a garden to sit in.
I’ve made peace with the fact that this is happening and will continue to happen for the foreseeable future. There isn’t a whole lot else we can do at the moment. All we can do is take it day-by-day and, unless you’re a key worker, play our part by staying at home to protect others.
But, as always with life, it hasn’t been easy. I have more ups-and-downs in a day than a kangaroo in a lift.
And the thing I’m struggling with the most?
Boredom.
My response to boredom and the guilt that comes with doing nothing is something I have struggled with the majority of my life. I suffer from major FOMO (“Fear Of Missing Out”), am constantly comparing myself to others and what they’re doing, and as a result always want to make sure I’m doing more so I don’t feel like I’m falling behind.
When I’m bored I get the same feelings. I feel stuck, I feel like I’m not in control, I feel like I’m failing by not making the most of my time. I’ve been feeling that way for a long time now.
My intolerance of boredom is one of my worst traits, so I try to avoid the feelings that come with it by keeping myself busy and making sure I have some amazing plans to look forward. This reaction isn’t fool-proof for an introvert like myself and I’ve had countless burn-outs as a result. But now we’re in a position where we’ve had to slow right down and suddenly we’re faced with… well… nothing.
It’s tough.
What do you do with the boredom if you no longer have access to the methods you use to distract yourself?
More importantly, why are we so uncomfortable with being still and being bored?
The problem is, we’re a generation where the majority of us have always been able to get whatever we want, whenever we want. Outside stimulation in the modern-world is easy, and it’s projected onto us constantly from every direction. From an endless stream of newly released music and films, to hundreds of different events taking place in different venues everyday, to flights jetting off to almost anywhere in the world in just a few hours. If you’re bored with your normal day-to-day routine, then distraction is easy.
And with so much available, we’re sold a lie that we must do it all. In modern society, productivity is key. If you sit around doing nothing, you’re labelled lazy. If you’re not hustling every day, you’re not trying hard enough. If you’re not trying hard enough, you’re not making the most of life. The message is constant: no excuses, life is passing, do it now.
This is the first time we’ve had to press pause on all of that. No wonder the majority of us don’t know how to cope with the silence.
In this new world of social-distancing and self-isolation, we’re now forced to face the very thing we’ve been trying to avoid: ourselves.
The big secret? Boredom is actually a facade. It’s a way of protecting ourselves from the feelings we don’t want to feel and the truths we don’t want to face. Boredom isn’t fun, and the feelings it can create aren’t always pleasant, so we impulsively find a way to avoid them. But these emotions are important, and it’s important to give them time to understand why you’re feeling them.
So, what now? How do you learn to be still, accept boredom, and not be overwhelmed by this new quieter life?
Unfortunately I don’t have the answers, but these are some ways that are personally helping me at the moment:
1. Change the way you view your current situation
Of course what’s happening around the world is awful. No-one wanted this. However, this time is also precious. Never again will we be granted permission to stop and take time out. Rather than focus on what you miss, take note of what you’re grateful for *right now* and what you’re actually enjoying during this time. For me, I’ve loved my walks with the dog in the sunshine (even when he’s being super stubborn and lies down in the middle of the road because he doesn’t feel like walking that way). I never had the time to do that when I was busy commuting and working a 9-5 job every day. These are the moments to hold on to and treasure.
2. Understand what emotions you’re trying to protect yourself from and learn to sit with them
Having such a long break from the things I would normally do in my everyday life is raising a lot of questions and emotions. Instead of ignoring them, I’m choosing to listen to them and work with them to understand where they’re coming from. Because once this is all over and life goes back to normal again, those emotions are likely still going to be there buried in the background. Now is the time to actually give them attention. Writing helps. If you struggle to put your thoughts into words, try just writing a list of the emotions you’re feeling or the worries that are consuming you. Once they’re out of your head and down on paper, it will hopefully be easier for you to process and understand them. Maybe you’ll even notice a pattern and find a solution to them.
3. Just be
Put the phone away. Find a comfortable place to sit. Take a deep breath. And just be. Listen to the sounds around you, focus on the movement of your breath, feel the weight in your arms, legs, toes. Slowing right now and noticing the small details will help ground you and bring you into the present moment. It will help give you a small break from all the swirling thoughts inside your head and ultimately help give you a clearer space to focus.
4. Take it one day at a time, one task at a time
At the start of the lockdown, I wrote a long list of everything that I wanted to do during this time off, from learning to knit to learning Mandarin. Have I ticked anything off that list yet? Hell no. I put too much pressure on myself to be productive, and as a result I overwhelmed myself and have done nothing. And that’s ok. Instead, I’m taking it day-by-day and listening to what I actually want to do in the moment. One day I might spend a couple of hours drawing a picture, and then spend the rest of the day watching Disney films back-to-back. One morning I might go for a run followed by some yoga, and then not do any exercise for the rest of the week. And it’s all fine, I’m prioritising what feels right for me on that day, rather than trying to do everything all at once. I’m not putting pressure on myself to be as productive as possible, because that mindset is just not sustainable for everyone in this new life. Be kind to yourself and remember that this is *your* time – there’s no right or wrong way to live during a global crisis (apart from staying at home and following Government guidelines of course).
And if you still find yourself bogged down with boredom and a restlessness that just won’t go away, then remember this one thing: this is temporary.
Although it’s difficult to see an end at the moment, this won’t last forever. Soon we’ll be back to living our normal lives, enjoying a pint with our friends in the pub garden, singing along with the crowd as our favourite band performs our favourite song, and booking those flights to take us to amazing new destinations all across the world.
But for now, if you’re struggling, just know that you’re not alone.
